As a churchman, a Christian, a
husband, a father, and friend, I find so much of what passes for "love" does not
fulfill or attract my affection. Somehow, deep within, I know that love must transcend the
mundane. It must have its origins beyond my emotions and myself. It must be bigger than I
am. I have learned a couple things along the way that have helped me in my pursuit of
truly loving and being truly loved.
First, love must be self-less. It must be willing to
take the children to a friend’s house, even though dad is dead-tired from a long
day’s work. It must be willing to say "I am sorry", even though pride
demands that we hang in to the bitter end. Love must be willing to sacrifice all for the
object of its affection. I realize that a sacrificial love can sound great in a romance
novel, but in real life, real love can be a difficult task.
Love must always view the other as more important
than the "I". This is a difficult concept in this era of "self-love"
and "self-esteem". While I recognize the importance of both thoughts, love will
never satisfy unless it is committed to an object outside of itself. Love demands that I
build my wife up in her endeavors, rather than criticize negatively. It demands that I
discipline my four sons. Many times, it is easier to let them do their own thing and avoid
a fight, hurt feelings, or punishment. Love demands an end to my own selfish agenda in
order that my family and friends become better persons for having been around me (as well
as my being a better person for having been with them). The temptation is to use family
and friends to accomplish my goals and make my life better or easier. Love says simply,
"No, you cannot do that."
Into this issue of true love, comes the example of
Jesus from the Bible. He said, "I lay down my life…" (John 10:14). You see,
Jesus had the perfect life. Unencumbered by any wrong, a perfect relationship with His
Father, the best housing arrangement there will ever be, free of selfish agendas, and no
Day-Timer. His existence was about others. However, Jesus left all of that perfection in
order that he might serve us (Philippians 2). He came to earth so that we might have a
full life, knowing the meaning of true love. It is a love that can sacrifice all for
others. It is the kind of love that can go beyond selfish desires and pettiness to the
meet the needs of another.
The challenge to love is the challenge to be sacrificial, the
challenge to be considerate of others, the challenge to give all and (possibly) get
nothing in return. This is contrary to a major tenet of capitalism and western society
– "get as much as you can and pay as little as you can for it…" The
task before us is to allow our agendas, our time, and ourselves to be placed a little
lower on our lists. Then, our families, spouses, friends, and even strangers can be higher
on our lists of things-to-do, contacts to be made, and items to be pursued. Give a lot
more and expect a lot less. It may not sound like a key to a fulfilled life, but deep
down, I trust it rings true in all of us.